5 Ways to Keep Your Marriage Strong After Kids
Isn’t it crazy how much having children changes things? Once you have a baby, life as you once knew it is forever changed. Children are one of life’s greatest blessings. However, that doesn’t change how difficult it can be to balance life. Work, school, chores, meals, appointments, staying healthy.. and prioritizing your marriage! Below you’ll find 5 ways to keep your marriage strong after kids!
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1. Keep God First
We are adamant about the order in our home. God needs to come first. Then spouse. Then kids. Some may argue this – however, as soon as you put this into place, you’ll feel how natural it is. We need a good relationship with God as our source of love and strength. God is love (1 John 4:16). Your spouse is your other half, the person you’ve committed your life to loving (Mark 10:8), and your children are a result of that love.
By prioritizing your relationship with God through prayer and time in the word, a strong marriage comes naturally. Putting God first has forever positively impacted our marriage. We recently completed a joint marriage devotional that sparked a good conversation. There is a his and hers version!
If you’re new to the faith or do not have a Bible, I highly recommend an application study Bible. At the bottom of each page, there is a breakdown for how the text can be applied to everyday life. My favorite Bible is highlighted on my favorites page!
2. Indoor Date Nights
You don’t need to have dedicated time out of the house or a sitter to have a date night! Find something you have in common, and spend some one-on-one time together after the kids go to bed, during a nap, or while they are playing. Multiple times a week, we sit down and watch a show together with popcorn. No phones!!
We both enjoy games, so when we have the energy, we’ll set up a card game at the table (still with popcorn-its a must here) and play a game before we watch our show.
We’ve also found some great games for couples, that spark laughter and good conversation. You can find some of our favorites here.
3. Flirt, A lot- Be Purposeful!
Remember the butterflies you felt when you first started dating? How incredible your wedding day was? Your spouse is still your person. Channel that honeymoon energy. Swallow any pride you have, and compliment them. Give them an unexpected hug and kiss. Pinch their but while they are doing the dishes. Life is way too short not to enjoy each other’s company. This is what God intended for marriage! (This isn’t just great for emotional intimacy…!)
If you want to keep your marriage strong after kids, you need to flirt with eachother- now more than ever!
4. Communicate… A lot.
It may not come too easily to flirt with your significant other if you are frustrated with them or if you are filled with negative feelings from something that happened during the day. We need to share all (yes- all!) of our feelings and what we are going through with each other. Talk everything out. That saying about not going to bed angry- has so much truth. You chose that person- for better or worse
We’ve got to forgive as Jesus forgave us and trust them enough to let them in. Being spiteful or resentful of the people we love is such a waste of time, love, and energy when we could be spending our finite time on this Earth enjoying each other’s company.
Be open with your spouse- and throw spite and resentment out the window. Tell the enemy to get lost! Only love is allowed here! If you find it difficult to do this, pray for wisdom and guidance. You’ll need to start fresh each day with this mindset.
5. Think of How Your Marriage Impacts Your Children
This one is deep. Our children see and hear everything. You know that word or phrase you said.. once. That they now repeat? They are watching how we interact with our spouses. I want my babies to want a marriage like mine when they grow up. I want them to see their parent’s undeniable love for each other. They need to see us consistently respecting, caring for, and loving each other. How we talk to and treat one another – is what our kids will grow up thinking is normal.
If my daughter goes on a date with a man who talks down to her, I want her to think, “My parents would never talk to each other this way- I’m out!” Same for my sons. We have got to set the tone in our house that our marriage is important and the importance of our relationship is not taken lightly.
I pray that when my kids cringe at us kissing in the kitchen, they secretly hope that they have a marriage like that one day.
It can be so easy to fall into the trap of the “busy” life and let your relationship take the back-burner. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years, have 3 kids, a small business, and homeschool our oldest- and I refuse to let life get in the way of my relationship with my best friend.
Keeping your marriage strong after kids takes work. But it is so, so very worth it. After all- once the kids are grown and moved out, I want the man I’m left with to still be my best friend. The enemy is out to get our marriages.
Don’t let him win.
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." Genesis 2:24